While this is one of my favorite verses in the whole Bible, it's also one of the most challenging. I love to be in control. I hate giving up control, especially in my personal life. My love for control is one of my biggest sins. As a Christian, I'm supposed to put my whole life into God's hands and trust that He has the best plans for me. I've known this ever since I was saved, when I promised I would follow God and His plans for my life. But because I'm a sinner, my love for control frequently slips back into my life and God has to remind me that He has the authority, that He's the only one in control.
This past year, a good amount of my time was spent planning to go back to the Miracle Garden Orphanage in India. I first went to Miracle Garden last summer on a mission trip and absolutely fell in love with the kids. When I was leaving, my favorite little boy named Sadik came up to me and asked if I would be coming back tomorrow. It was at that exact moment I made a vow to myself that I would return to Miracle Garden the next summer. I spent a lot of time this year figuring out dates, flights, and general travel plans. I was told my trip to India would be possible. I was so excited that I would be seeing the kids again. And then in March I got the email. I wasn't able to come down to Miracle Garden after all. I was devastated. I began to resent God. I had never wanted to be in control more than in the moment I found out I couldn't go back to India. I didn't understand why God would make the final call that going back to India wasn't in His plan. I started to ignore God. I stopped praying and stopped listening at church. I didn't want to hear that he had planned something better for me. All I wanted was to go to back to Miracle Garden. Yet somehow, my resentment slowly turned into acceptance of the fact that going back to India was not the best plan for me. I had come to accept my trust needed to be placed in the Lord. But until a couple days ago, I wasn't sure what better plan God had in store for me.
On Friday, I found out I will be studying abroad on the Fall 2013 voyage of Semester at Sea. I had applied for Semester at Sea while still planning for my trip to India, but I never thought it would really work out. I wanted to go to Miracle Garden more than anything so Semester at Sea was my back-up plan, knowing I wouldn't be able to do both. And yet, I will be studying abroad this fall! As soon as I found out, I knew this was God's better plan for me. Although my devastation from not returning to the kids at Miracle Garden may never entirely go away, I trust God for my new adventure of studying abroad on Semester at Sea.
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